• Lara Hawkings

Being Kind to You

Updated: Sep 16, 2020

Learning to be Kind to Ourselves

We have all seen affirmation quotes that sound something like this:

‘When you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it changes the world’

‘You will never regret being kind’

‘Be kind whenever possible, because it is always possible’

I don’t know about you, but I look at these quotes and they don’t quite resonate with me, it’s like opening a book and reading a sentence right in the middle of the page.

Generally we know that being kind to others makes us feel good. I am going to look at ‘why’ kindness to others makes us feel good, then look at kindness to ourselves.

Kindness is a feeling (emotion) which always starts with a thought or a picture in our mind, we are not aware of most of our thoughts. This could be partly due to us having on average sixty five thousand thoughts a day!

Out of the sixty five thousand thoughts, we are aware of five percent of them. For example, “I am nervous about this interview”, “what is my boss / teacher” going to say to me today, “is she / he going to respond and like my Instagram post”, “I am going to make a cup of tea”.

We don’t think for example “I am going to check on my neighbour today because it will make me feel kind” or “I am going to text my friend to see if she is okay, because in return I will feel kind and good about myself."

When we feel kind and react in a kind way, for example, helping someone out or offering to support someone or to say some nice words to reassure a friend. The result we have is that we feel good and this provides us with the evidence that helping others makes us feel good.

So we are kind to others and we enjoy that, it gives us pleasure.

Why then are we so unkind to ourselves?

Why don’t we support ourselves like we do our friends? Why are we so mean and unforgiving to ourselves?

I can think of a few critical comments that have happened in my brain in the past … “you shouldn’t of done that”, “I’m out of my depth here”, “I can’t do this”, “you shouldn’t of eaten that chocolate”, “that was humiliating”, “well of course they treat you that way, you deserve it."

And we go on and on and on! It’s exhausting!

When we talk to ourselves this way, we take away our self-confidence and self-belief. STOP, promise yourself that you will only talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Start Today.

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